It Really is Safe to Say, “I don’t know”

I’m only 50 years young and yet, I’ve spent my entire life thinking, dreaming, planning and contemplating my future. For all the energy I’ve used to prepare myself for the “What if’s” in life, they have NEVER come to pass as I thought or dreamed they would.

In truth, they were usually better or a circumstance would detour me to an uncomfortable place before arriving and then when I arrived, it was never as I imagined. It was usually better or there was a precious gift left for me to embrace.

How many times can you honestly say that things in your life turned out EXACTLY as you thought or dreamed they would?

Why do we do that? Why do we plan so heavily? Why do we try to buffer or cushion the senses in preparation for what may be an uncomfortable situation? Or plan for a glorious event with the expectation of a perceived outcome? Even if the worst shows up and all of our preparation conditions us to believe that we are ready, the truth is it never feels as we imagined and it never turns out as we thought.

I’ve been in a space in my life for the last two years that quite honestly leaves me feeling exposed and vulnerable to life. My career came to an end, I became an “Empty nester” at that very same time and then 3 months later, my mom passed away whom I had been taking care of for 5 years. Everything that I thought gave me value came to an end.

I was open, exposed, vulnerable, lost, scared and confused. I wanted to plan my future. I wanted to know the direction that God was sending me so that I could plan and prepare and … feel secure. In all of my efforts to get a grasp of my space and my circumstances, it just dropped me further and further within myself to a place that seemed completely unrecognizable. I was raw and confused.

Who am I? Who values me? Who notices me? Who sees my gifts and talents? Who really loves me? What is my purpose? Why am I here? Where are my supports? What now? What next?

I’ve had more than one person remind me that I created this space for myself at this place and time in my life. For as comforting as that should be considering I am the creator of my life, it just left me feeling even more frustrated. Why did I create this space? Why do I feel so lost? Why now?

As hours passed into days and days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, I’ve come to appreciate the answer to all of my questions. I’ve come to embrace that elusive answer that escaped me that would lend credibility to my intellect and wisdom. That one answer that was the true reflection of the wisdom that I was embracing;

“I don’t know!”

I don’t know why I’m here.

I don’t know what my purpose is.

I don’t know who sees me or who values my gifts.

I don’t know who loves me.

I don’t know what to do today.

I don’t know what to do tomorrow.

I don’t know what’s happening next.

I don’t know where the money is coming from.

I don’t know who sees me.

I don’t know who my friends are.

I don’t know what to think.

And then it hit me, I’ve NEVER known anything! If I thought I did, it was only an illusion that I created to make me feel better about not knowing.

I’ve had a lot of time to sit with this and “think” about it and guess what?! I still don’t know!

For the first time in my life, I’m aware that I do not know and I’m ok with that. I am safe and it is safe for me to say, “I don’t know”.

There’s a quote from Byron Katie that goes like this, “The mind usually says, ‘I know, I know, I know.’ But the ‘I don’t know mind’, is where wisdom lives.”

To not know is the beginning of wisdom. It’s in this space where miracles happen. It’s in this space where possibilities emerge. It’s in this space where faith, love and trust reside because it’s the only place they can reside and be whole and complete.

Without the attachments to any kind of outcome, “I don’t know” opens up the door where the fullest expression of love can reside. Please read that again …

If I think I really know, then I’ve attached expectations to the outcome which will either confirm the illusion or leave me feeling scared or lost. I can keep living in the illusion hoping and praying that someday I’ll be prepared for the revealing of the Truth or I can acknowledge and honor the mystery of not knowing and open up the door to endless possibilities.

So, at the age of 50, not knowing, never knowing, still living, still breathing, still thriving, I can honestly say that I am safe. I always have been and I always will be … even if I do not know because … It really is safe to say, “I don’t know”.

Heart Centered

Living from the heart is a powerful force.

I’ve had numerous conversations in the last two weeks of cherished friends and loved ones who are struggling to find meaning in their lives and the strong conviction that they MUST follow their hearts.

This message is dedicated to all of you who are struggling to find that place in your life where you are emotionally, physically and spiritually fulfilled. For those of you who are realizing that your calling, the beckoning of your soul, is aching for complete fullness of expression.

Let me ask you a few of questions …

  1. Are you currently in a job or a career that you struggle in because you go to work every day and you just feel that it no longer fits who you are? Perhaps you’re feeling that the best part of you is limited in full expression and creativity is being squashed and replaced with demands, formulas, expectancies and executions? Or maybe it just doesn’t challenge you any longer and your skills are screaming to be expressed in something more creative and challenging?
  2. Are you currently unemployed and you’re trying to find that one thing that makes your heart sing?
  3. Have you found that going back to work just to make a paycheck leaves you feeling like you’ve been hit in the gut by a bowling ball?
  4. Maybe you know your calling but you just cannot figure out how to manifest it to create a career path or perhaps you just don’t know where to start.
  5. And lastly and this is a big one, do you feel guilty because you are not measuring up to your very own expectations or perhaps the expectations of others? Do you feel like you’re letting yourself down and all of the people around you?

I really believe that we are heading into a new era that is beckoning change.

In the past, it was enough for us to graduate from high school, go to college, get a job worthy of our education and then spend the rest of our lives in a career that was judged by society as safe and reliable. The pay was steady, the economy was stable and we could count on that paycheck every week to supplement our needs and our lifestyles.

Enter into this generation and we’re faced with a very big shift in perception. People are no longer content working for someone else. Education doesn’t have the same meaning where graduation guarantees a fantastic career worthy of all of our studies. People are branching out on their own, creating their own businesses based on new ideas and the typical job does not supply enough for a comfortable life. Perhaps there is a reason for this shift.

There is a heart calling for you. It’s a calling that is yours and yours ONLY. It can only be expressed through what you have to offer the planet. You’ve been specially equipped to express this gift in its fullest and you will not rest until this calling has been met. It’s no longer about a job to make ends meet; it’s more about fulfilling a purpose that will lead you into a fulfilling life and lifestyle.

So, let’s all take a breath. Breathe in fresh air. Breathe in life, forgiveness, gratitude and … permission, permission to accept some changes. Breathe in possibilities, opportunities and love. Breathe in life and embrace the challenges and changes.

The change is happening because it has to. The Universe has a way of steering the Titanic and as much as we want to stay the course, the ship is too big to stop. It must keep turning because we are heading into bigger waters where the fishing is plentiful, the sunshine is bigger and brighter and the opportunities are waiting to be discovered. We must travel to this new ground. It is being demanded of us and we must go!

I liken this to Moses when he was leading the Israelite’s into the Promise Land. God told him to take his people there because he had something absolutely incredible to give them when they got there.  Do you remember what happened next? They spent the next 40 years wandering around in the desert because they were so ungrateful, unthankful, whining and dissatisfied and perhaps even scared. God kept them there until they shaped up! Do you think that it can be any different then, than it is now?

Our perception of the change will either keep us in the desert for 40 years or we can chose to be thankful and trust God to lead us to our Promised Land.

Follow your heart! Go within, seek that which brings a fire to the belly. Take your eyes off of what is seen and allow what is unseen to manifest. You are being called to do something different to usher in the new era. What is it that your heart desires? What is it that you long to do that perhaps used to be unacceptable but you feel whole and complete when you participate in it? You can say that there are no jobs out there. You can say that the economy is bad and people are just not spending their money. You can give a myriad of excuses as to why nothing will work for you or … you can open up your heart to receive all that you truly desire for yourself, accept it, ask God for guidance and opportunity and then take your first step. You were given those desires and gifts to be used … now is the time.

Author and teacher Alan Watts said that the time will come where it will not be enough for us to just have a job to make money. It’s about finding that thing that makes our heart sing and doing that! Do that thing that makes you dance in the streets. Do that thing that makes you smile. Do that thing that fulfills your soul, nourishes your spirit and puts a smile on your face. Do that thing …

Our generation is here to start a new path for future generations. We are here at this place and time for a very gifted reason. It’s not for punishment, or to be victims of what is perceived. We are here to blaze a new path for future generations. Who of you will start? Who of you will take the time to get clear about what the heart is calling for and then take your first step?

This is not a time to take a back seat. This is not a time to hide in the corner in fear or a time to take the most comfortable route and be safe.

This is a time to listen to the heart and follow it. The heart is the direct link to God and it is God who is leading his people to a new place. We are being called to go. We must do this for the future generations because we are the “Chosen” ones. What an honor! What a gift! What a life!

Listen to your heart, follow its calling and GO!