Secret Hiding Place

“I don’t know how to be kind to myself. I don’t know how to forgive myself. I don’t know how to be at peace with myself in any given moment because I’m still trying to impress you.”


I’ve read the books; The Mindbody Prescription by John E. Sarno and The Great Pain Deception by Steven Ray Ozanich and I’ve watched video’s of these two teaching and showing those of us the way to our own healing.
I’ve watched countless videos of Nicole Sachs, teaching, encouraging and supporting the one who is struggling to find their healing. And when I gave myself ample time, my idea of enough time, to adopt all of the teachings of the books, videos and testimonies, and still finding myself experiencing physical pain day in and day out, I broke down and bought Nicole’s book, The Meaning of Truth.

I can’t believe I did. I can’t believe I broke down and bought another book from another “Survivor” in an attempt to find a missing link … a missing piece of something that seemed so elusive. But … Nicole is a psychotherapist who studied with Dr. Sarno and so I needed to trust in what she had to share in her book even though I had already resigned to myself that there is no Truth and there is no way to find it; pain aside. The Truth is illusive and as soon as I think I have found it, another opportunity arises for me to question it and in the end I discovered that the Truth is like a rainbow; you can admire it from a distance but move in closer and closer to capture it and you soon realize that there is no catching it. It’s ever evolving … ever changing, as I change. So what could she possibly impart to me that I haven’t already heard?

But … I’m feeling desperate, weak, vulnerable and frustrated and I just need to “Do” something! Recognize the behavior?

Pain 2

This pain experience has taken me to a deep, deep plunge within to discover who I think I am and to release all of it … all of it! All attachments are slowly being released and yet I still find myself attached to so much. I still identify so much with my physical body … ugh!!!

Which brings me to today’s breakthrough while engaging in journaling. I’m not that far in Nicole’s book but I know I’m going to get to the part where I will be invited to “Journal Speak” and unleash all that is pent up inside me. I’ve watched her video’s inviting me to do so and it was therapeutic and liberating for awhile … until it wasn’t.

Which is why I bought her book. Its time to revisit this practice and see if there is more to this ‘Journal Speak’ that perhaps I did not get from watching her video’s alone.
Today, I discovered that in my tight, controlled need to keep things in order because I never want to lose something or misplace it, I discovered that I am relentless and meticulous to keep things in place. I used to say about Mom, “She has a place for everything and everything is in its place”. This is me to the “T” (am I mimicking Mom’s behavior to be accepted and loved?), and then it hit me today while journaling …

I’m disgusted with myself! I’m angry with myself. I’m disappointed with myself because … I CANNOT FIND THE SOURCE OF MY PAIN!!! It’s elusive! It hides! I know it’s right here but … I cannot see it!!! I can keep everything else in my life in order so that I can find it, god forbid I should lose my keys or my sunglasses! I know right where everything is and yet, I cannot find the source of my pain! What a loser!!!

I’m disappointed in myself. For as much as I have learned … for as enlightened as I have awoken to about this illusion I call “Life”, I’m still so clueless. I’ve wanted to blame someone else for it all. I’ve wanted to blame my parents! I’ve wanted to blame my upbringing! I’ve wanted to blame circumstances or happenings in my life where I put up some barriers or protectors or cushions or buffers to shield myself but I can’t! I just can’t! It’s not in my nature to do so. I’m an adult! I know I myself am doing my very best. How the hell can I point a finger at anyone else when I know they are doing or have done the best they knew how? I’ve been down this road with a therapist … actually a couple therapists … who have supported me in cracking open the shell of the little girl who just wanted to be a good little girl and do everything right and to be loved. I’ve traveled down this road for a very long distance. Is there more to discover … I’m open to that idea. Let’s get this shit out in the open! God I’m so ready!!!

Pain 1

It’s me now. I’m taking ownership over everything in my life and what it all boils down to, I made the decision to protect myself and I am the only one who can forgive that. I am the only one who can find my way through the deep, dark shadows of my past or even this moment to find my thoughts and what I am believing about any of it. What did I hide? What did I shove in the corner? What am I not seeing? God … I’m pretty, fucking amazing to hide it in plain sight so well!!! At least I know how to do that well!

It’s also so easy to get disgusted with myself, beat myself up because I could be more, understand more and yet, here I am living with chronic pain that continues to remind me that it’s still here and I still have work to do.

I don’t know if you can identify with my process. I know, that I know, that I know, that I know that … the pain that I am experiencing is not a physical malady. It’s an emotional journey that is tied to all of the masks and portrayals that I have instilled in order to appear perfect, beautiful, worthy, smart, capable and to be the best at anything that I tackle because I cannot stand the thought that you would think anything else of me. It’s hard, fucking work!!!

It’s not hard because it is hard work, (well maybe it is. I’m just in denial!) It’s probably pretty simple. It’s hard because I’m expecting, hoping, trying, giving up and trying again … hoping that this time and all the while, I will figure it out! I’m attached to something that I just do not know how to let go of. (Is that true? Is that what I’m not getting?!)

And so, all that is left is to surrender and trust because when I get so wrapped up in what I think I should be doing, I break down at some point and surrender. I just hope that in those moments of surrender, I’m getting closer to being pain free. And yet deep, deep down, I hope that is the right thing to do. Am I doing it correctly now? Is this what is needed? Do I appear worthy and confident enough now? I’m smart and capable, do you see that? I’m trying so hard and trying so hard not to show it!

Pain 3

I don’t know how to be kind to myself. I don’t know how to forgive myself. I don’t know how to be at peace with myself in any given moment because I’m still trying to impress you.

But, I’m open, vulnerable, raw, exposed, weak, strong, capable and willing to invite the pain to reveal everything to me that will support me in growing madly in love with who I think I am. It’s time and I want this!!! I’m so, fucking tired!!!

God bless any of you who have read through this and you are experiencing chronic pain in some way. I feel that we are “Chosen” ones who are being invited to experience the hidden secrets. There are deep treasures within that can only be excavated by understanding our pain and going mining to extract the jewels. Pain is not an enemy. Pain is a loving, patient, caring and very persistent lover in this experience whose mission is to lead us to love. For in understanding our pain, we discover who we really are and that my lovely lights, is our direct link to God.

I wish I had all of the answers. I wish I knew exactly how to do it. I wish I could show you the way but what I’m discovering that no matter how someone else tells you how they did it, in the end, it’s our own, personal journey that can only be discovered by our own internal mechanisms … our own work. I feel that recognizing and accepting TMS as my condition is merely the seed that still requires, nourishment, water, sunshine and time to grow into a breathtaking manifestation of beauty.

I’m not sure I really wanted to sign up for this class, but now that I am in it, I’m going for that A+ grade!


I’m Listening …

Shhh …
Be quiet!
Don’t speak!
Don’t say a thing!
Just tuck it away for now. There’s no time for it!


My spirit moves …
My inner child is released …
My inner muse is unleased.

Self-Realization is such an intimate journey.
When the time is right, the door is unlocked and get ready …

The captive are set free.

It’s the inner child who begs for freedom.

I know …
You don’t understand what I’m talking about.

You’re an adult now and that child is in the past but guess what?!

That child has been behind lock and key for a very long time and he/she speaks with you daily.

Do you hear her? Do you hear him? Are you listening?
Probably not!

They don’t demand, you know? They don’t chastise, scream, cry or curse. They only ask for permission to be set free … to be heard … to be acknowledged.

They have a story to tell and chances are, you closed the door on them a very long time ago and put a dead bolt on the door to keep them in.
It was a self-preservation move on your part to protect you from harm, pain, squashed dreams and the idea that you needed to grow up!

Unless you bring the key with you to open the door, to sit with them and listen to them tell their story, they stay locked away until one day, you don’t understand your life. You don’t understand how you ended up where you are. You don’t understand why you hurt or the pain you carry day after day after day.
You don’t understand the choices you are making.
You don’t understand why you don’t fit in.
You don’t understand the global impact on you and why you cannot fix it all.

That child holds the magic ticket. That child remembers when …Inner child

You were free …
Life was a wonder …
Everything was an opportunity to explore …
Your imagination was limitless and …

You were the Universe!

You were the fucking Universe!!!
Who the hell was God?
What the hell was Evil?
What the hell was pain?
Who the hell was the enemy?
What the hell is there to fight for?
What the hell do we need to save?

You were” It” man and nothing was impossible … NOTHING!!!

You created the stars and the moon in your imagination.
You flew through the sky and dreamed of super heroes and fairy’s and they were your friend and they were there to support you!

You built mansions!
Talked to the animals!
You lived in inferestimal possibilities!
Absolutely nothing was too crazy to partake in because the exploration was the journey.
You had absolutely no idea where you were going and who the fuck cared?!Inner child 1

Everything was created in your mind and you lived it!

You didn’t care if it was real or not … YOU LIVED IT!!!

What if that child was right all along?!
What if that child was showing you the way?!
What if that child still knows and you have them locked away?!

What would happen if you took the key opened the lock, cracked the door open and sat down and had a conversation with that child?

What would you learn about yourself?
What would that child have to say about who you have always been?
What if you could start over and recreate the vision that child had?

Oh my … What would your life look like?

What do you think that child could imagine and what kind of life do you think that child could create?!
Wouldn’t you like to know or …

Is it just too scary to go there?
Perhaps you’re just too grown up and that child must be “Seen and not heard”.

You can have that!
If you must keep that child silent for the time being, then … okay. That has to be okay.

If however, you are wondering, questioning, in pain, and willing to explore,

Then …Inner child 5

Open the door,
Step in …
Have a seat
And …

Ask that child to speak.

Garden Wisdom

The garden is an ever evolving activity that requires attention, fine tuning, care and the ability to adapt to change.

Every year, we make changes and enhancements in order to give attention to something worthy of our care.

And each year, no matter how much planning and preparation we make in order to avoid challenges and adversity, the garden reminds us that it is in control and it will respond and deliver whatever is necessary to keep the natural order of things.

This year, we have shifted gears and chosen not to give attention to something that no longer supports us; the vegetable garden. Instead, we brought in new material to support the demands of the environment and surrender to what appears to be inevitable.

Autosave-File vom d-lab2/3 der AgfaPhoto GmbH

How will the garden respond? Will the changes yield favorable results? And when I say, ‘Favorable results’, what I am really referring to is the removal of judgments and the acceptance of the appearances that are brought forth.

The deer have claimed the yard and the lack of moisture has stunted the growth of most of the garden and what remains is fragments of plants that we once admired and the absence of some of the plants that appear to not have made it.

It’s a sad good bye and yet a glimmer of hope remains that what appears to be lost will return once again. We can never know for sure. All we can do is wait, take the care that we know how to provide and trust that whatever springs up, whatever recovers and whatever stands strong, will  yield us the satisfaction of the care and attention we have given it.

Perhaps the garden is the metaphor of life. Things die! Things struggle! Things appear to be lacking and things survive and thrive!

Release the judgments about appearances and accept the invitation to take care of the things we can. We cannot control the weather! We cannot control the wildlife! We cannot control the soil! We cannot control the plant! Nourish the soul 1

We can however, shower water where we can. We can put up barriers to deter the wildlife. We can add nutrients to the soil and we can prune and care for the plant. But even then, there are no assurances of the outcome we wish for. Instead, the garden asks us to trust in the process of life and give it permission to grow and evolve as it sees fit and in return, we can simply appreciate the process and give thanks to the outcome.

We do the work we know how to do, release any judgments about what we think we should be doing and release any ideas about what it’s supposed to look like and instead, be grateful that we have a garden.

All that remains is … a deep appreciation for the privilege to support and care for a worthy task.

Everything Will Be Better When …

You may not think it out loud to yourself, but I wonder if you secretly wish for something.
Get quiet with yourself for a moment and feel your desires …
Feel them …


I had a revelation this morning as I was reading my latest book. I’ve been in a pattern of physical pain for quite some time and every morning, I wonder if this will be the day that I am actually set free.

I go to bed at night hoping that the next morning, I will awake with the freedom that I desperately seek and every morning, up till now, I have been denied the relief that I seek. My heart sinks. My god … another fucking day of pain! How am I going to show up today and how am I going to appreciate this place in time in my life?!Pain 1

It’s an honest question and quite frankly, I’m a little disgusted with myself. I try to be spiritual and for all of the challenges I have been through, I feel so deserving of healing. I’m just being honest.

This pain isn’t just translated into my physical body. It’s manifested in the world around me. Death, destruction, catastrophes, fear and … pain!

I try to shut it out, scroll past or close my eyes but … it’s ALWAYS there!

I could blame the world on their inability to let shit go but the truth is, I’m holding onto mine so how could I possibly expect anyone else to let go? I can’t seem to!

And then it hits me this morning … what is my belief about my pain? I’ve written on the subject of “Belief” and taught about it and now, I’m being invited to acknowledge what I believe about my pain.

‘Everything will be better when’ … my pain is gone! That is what I have been believing … hoping!

If I’m looking for the day that my physical pain does not haunt me every day and I keep looking for that day, how can it ever possibly show up? I mean, there is only Now and I keep looking for that ‘Some day’ to show up and it has not. I’m looking for it in the future and all there ever is, is Now. There is no future except the story I tell myself about what I want, that I do not feel I have now.

My freedom is right here, right now and if I keep looking into the future for it, validation will show up but only 100% of the time. My healing has to be in the future because that is where I’ve been looking for it, only the future NEVER shows up!

I was broadsided by this revelation. I keep thinking that someday I’ll be set free and the only place that freedom can be is Now.

So then I have to ask myself, do I really want it now? massage

This is where things get interesting because if I had to be honest with myself, I do love therapy. I love the way I can slide into an appointment, surrender myself to the therapist and just escape from my thoughts. I let go and let someone else perform their talents on me and all the while, I keep hoping that when my session is finished, that I feel better and that I am healed. What if I am healed, will I miss therapy? Will I need therapy?

This is another good question. If I am free from pain, then therapy is not necessary and then what?

What if I am right where I am because I like it, because it suits me, because it supports me? I might as well get honest with myself. I like therapy and the only reason I would continue therapy is because I think I need it and if I do not need it any longer, then why would I quit?

I suppose this is what drug addiction or any another addiction is. The only thing I know is how to navigate my pain and so the cycle continues. What happens when I let go of the pain? What happens when I quit believing the story I tell myself about my pain? The cycle ends and that is a little unsettling. How will I identify with myself then?! pain 2

For me, I’ve identified with the pain for so long, I’m not sure I know who I am without it and change is not always easy. Even if I think I really want to be set free, I have not invited freedom to join me in the area of my physical being. And so … I continue on with therapy perhaps until I’m ready to let go.

A friend asked me once if therapy heals me. I was impressed by this question because we both work in the same field of physical therapy and now she’s asking me if therapy heals me.

No” I said. “Therapy gives me a reprieve from myself for a brief moment in time so that I can take a breath and surrender the pain to someone else”.

Isn’t that interesting? I don’t believe therapy heals me and yet I use it as a tool to help me work through my stuff. How long do I continue therapy? I don’t know … how could I possibly know how long it is going to take for me to let go? Surrender 3

Being in the physical therapy profession, I understand that there are those who would argue that some therapy is needed or required, especially in cases of knee replacement, hip and shoulder replacement, surgery and such, but even then, I’m not sure. Every patient that comes through the door is sent home with a set of exercises … basically the same exercises they do when they come to see me.  I have the idea that every person knows how to heal their own body. They, like me, just choose to surrender it to someone else in order to breathe, or perhaps we don’t trust ourselves enough to navigate our healing on our own.

I sincerely have to appreciate that! We’re not weak or incapable. Perhaps we’re just tired, scared or out of touch with our Divine selves. Perhaps there’s a lot of static that is distorting the link or channel that taps us in to our infinite wisdom. We’re all so wise, really! We have ALL of the answers to every question there ever was in this Universe … this experience. We all are capable of being free from all of the pains that get us bogged down.

And in this moment, I just want to fall in love with what is and appreciate the unfolding or the realizing of all that I am. When I give gratitude to every moment … to pause and say, “Thank you” just for the privilege to breathe, to see, to feel, to taste to … experience all of the sensations of this life, I am free.

Join me, won’t you? Invite all of the possibilities in this moment. Set the future … the “Everything will be better when’s” free, let them go, and appreciate. Say “Thank you” for the privilege of this moment. Now 2

I’m glad you’ve joined me.
We’re currently experiencing Now.
Isn’t it spectacular?!
Thank you ♥



Letting Go Of The Truth

I’ve discovered that Truth is like the end of the rainbow. I can see it from a distance but it can never be approached and it can never be caught. It keeps changing distances and every step to get me closer, just pushes it that much further away. Keep chasing it and I have soon to realize that there is no catching it.


Mom has been deceased for over 5 years now. As a child of a woman who was on a continuous and relentless search for the “Truth”, she died never having a solid answer. Lord knows, she spent most of her life seeking.

I really never understood Mom’s quest. At the time, I was very content with my own beliefs that were wrapped within one Book and my understanding of Truth was nothing like hers. I had found my “Truth”. All I had to do was open the Book, read and follow the directions as I understood them.

Now that she has been gone for 5 plus years, I’ve said “Good-bye” to so much of my life that I identified with, and my resolve that I had found the Truth, has dissolved and opened door after door to the discovery that there is so much more to my experience than I ever imagined. Now that I myself am on my own  “Relentless search for the Truth”, I have ultimately reached a place of letting go.

I’ve discovered that Truth is like the end of the rainbow. I can see it from a distance but it can never be approached and it can never be caught. It keeps changing distances and every step to get me closer, just pushes it that much further away. Keep chasing it and I have soon to realize that there is no catching it.Rainbow

Truly, it’s magical to have beliefs that form our Truth. Our entire world will surround us and continually show us opportunity after opportunity to validate and firmly establish that Truth.  We dance with it, converse with it, make love to it and accept it as …Truth. And with this Truth, we can sit back, take a deep breath and feel comfortable that everything in our world of understanding makes some kind of sense.

But what happens when our world begins to shift? In my case, the death of my mother that quickly followed the death of a career and “Empty Nest Syndrome” and then two years later, the death of a sister, I began to let go of attachments. After all, attachments were just a set up for pain. If the attachment passes or goes away, what then? Do I attach to something else, or do I learn to be a little more fluid?

It’s interesting to be witness to the current happenings in this experience of mine. Since I have allowed myself to gain 30 pounds, validation is showing up. Now, I see plus size models in magazines … including Sports Illustrated! I’m seeing more and more strikingly beautiful women who are the same size as myself, being presented more and more often to me. They are validating my new size, and giving me permission to own it and feel good about it.

Same situation since I’ve allowed my hair to go grey. I’ve recently heard the phrase, “Grey is the new blond.” How amazing is that?! There again … validation! I never saw it before, but now that I am playing along, more and more opportunities are showing up to validate my new way of being.

It’s interesting to see those who express fears, frustrations and dissatisfaction with the current state of affairs. From the president, to animal neglect and abuse, to world disasters as well as injustices being performed with our food supply, our truth is deliciously being validated with each and every story being presented to confirm that what we believe to be Truth, is actually and indeed Truth and all the while, we are playing along in either happiness, fear or hate!

As much time as we put into our beliefs about anything, the more validation will show up to solidify our Truth. We put our energy into it and presto! Validation shows up!

Just because we want something to change, as long as we buy into the story, validation will continue to win. Wanting something to change merely confirms that there is something wrong and when we feel the need to change it, it must persist because we are putting our energy into it.

When something is wrong and needs to be fixed, it will always be wrong and need to be fixed until we have healed from our pain or decide that it is not worth our time and we move on. Does that make it all go away? Not necessarily but … you’ve let it go and now it just doesn’t matter any longer. It’s slowly losing energy and at some point, it will desist.

This is a difficult concept to adopt. It’s painfully difficult because if we let it go, then how will we identify with ourselves? And yet, it may be causing us pain, fear and frustration but no matter, we believe it to be true (Truth) and so it must persist and identity is acknowledged. Do we need an identity? Do we need to feel validated? Do we need to be important? Do we need … to fit?

Is change necessary? No, not really because change would usher in the confirmed illusion that something needs to be changed and so, the cycle continues.


ReleasePerhaps our greatest opportunity is to let go … let go of what appears to be Truth and instead, rest on the comforts that our identity does not depend on holding onto something, but rather letting everything go. How can one man’s Truth be right and another man’s Truth be wrong? We’re all in this together so who is right and who is wrong? This … THIS … IS AN UNENDING, CONTINUOUS BATTLE AND NO ONE EVER WINS FOREVER! Battles may be won, but next year, next month, next week, next day … another battle shows up to give us opportunity to fight once again to confirm that something is wrong and we need to fix it!

Feel this my loves. Feel the pain, the resistance, the constant energetic expense of continuously fighting for something that is temporary and fleeting … only to win or lose and then … start the process all over again. Our identity could be that of a warrior or a victorious conqueror and we may covet that identity for our entirety but will that validate and confirm for us a status of importance? Or will it create a space for us to fit into so that we can feel secure in our identity?

Don’t worry. Letting go of the Truth won’t cost you anything you aren’t ready to let go of. You won’t lose anything except fear, judgment, pain and need. Instead, you will gain freedom, joy, pleasure and peace.

If your path invites you to continue resisting, fighting and battling some cause, give yourself permission to take the ride and discover all that excites you and help you discover your essence. Perhaps you’re working through some pain and it requires you to submerge yourself in the battle to discover your unlimited potential and arrive at healing. And when you’ve reach your limit and you’re ready to let go of defining who you are by the battles you’ve fought, whether you’ve won or not and your tired and weary, then you can decide if it’s time to let go of the Truth of who you think you are.tug-of-war 1

Feel the release … feel it and when you do, you’ll begin to notice the amazing world around you. Rather than focusing on an outcome, you’ll simply observe all of the choices. Which one will you take? May I suggest taking the one that feels good and right rather than a choice with an expected outcome that may never give you what you expect? Choosing what feels good gives you permission to live authentically and without remorse. Choosing what you think you should in order to obtain a desirable outcome, opens the door to disappointment and then making another choice to fix it.

As a result, you’ll discover that all of your needs will be met … all of them! You’ll discover that your identity is not wrapped up in things or causes but rather in the Divine flow of life. You’ll discover that you do not have to work so hard to get what you want. Instead, it will miraculously show up right when you need it. You’ll also discover that everything in the Universe is designed to support you. Everything in your experience is carefully crafted to shape for you a soul satisfying experience and all you have to do is stay open to the flow and receive all that you require.Flow

Get clear about what you want and make all of your decisions on what feels good and right for you. When you do, the Universe will pave the way and you’ll find that there are no open or closed doors. There’s only the flow … the flow that caries you along in life and is intent on supporting you and taking care of you. Doesn’t that sound marvelous?!



Mirror * Mirror

What did you see …

When you said that I’m “Looking good … real good”?

What did you see when you said that I was a talented artist, a good writer or a valuable helper?

I hear you say that I am a “Flower child” or that I am “Zen”, and the best of all, “You are amazing!”  But … what does that really mean? Is it because of what I do or who I am? I’m not sure I know the difference.

I caught you looking at me out of the corner of your eye. I felt the penetration of your gaze and I became very uncomfortable. Do I shoot you a look and cause you to own your thoughts for you have been busted, or do I keep on walking pretending not to notice? Perhaps I will keep on walking. I do not like confrontation … not one little bit!

Tell me what caused you to look … to hold your gaze … to pause and watch? Why did you say those lovely words to me and what did they really mean? I mean … are they true … really?

Was it my hair that I carefully styled to represent the outer beauty that I wished to express? After all, my hair is sightly enough that it requires its own zip code. You know … I put just the right color on it so that my features are beautifully enhanced and my true age is disguised. Did you know that? I hope not …

Was it the way I carried myself with my petite body where the fashion I chose for the day invited the observer to acknowledge my small, dangerously, curvy frame and fierce sense of style? Oh god … I spend so much energy on this quality of myself. Did you notice? Did you approve?

Was it the way I carefully painted the make-up on my face in order to reveal youth and beauty? I’m an artist, you know? I’ve become quite skilled at disguising my imperfections. Did you notice that?  I’m pretty proud of my work!

My teeth … are nearly perfect! Straightened by an experienced orthodontist and whitened by my dentist … was that what you saw about me or perhaps my smile that lit up my face giving me a twinkle in my eye that showed my love and humor? My laughter draws attention … I can feel it! That combined with my smile is a winning combination. I hope you noticed …

I used to be a physical fitness queen, you know? Were you able to see any clues or evidence of my previously perfect body? I was committed to aerobics 5 days a week and weight training 3 days a week along with bike rides, hiking in the mountains and walks around the block. I try so hard to reveal evidence of my best features. As a matter of fact, it consumes me … consumes me! I hope you noticed some evidence that I still care about my body.

I want to know!

I want to know what you saw. I’ve taken great time and gifted talent to pull this look together so that you will look at me with approval. Did you approve? Was there something you would have changed about me? Was there?! If so, what would that be? ….. No wait!

Please don’t tell me! I do not want to know! Instead, I will try harder to look my very best. I will try harder to create the disguise so that you will notice me, love me, accept me and not judge me. I will try harder …

But really … REALLY, what I want to know is …

Did you see me?

Did you see Me?! … ME!!!

Did you see my vulnerability? Did you see my shyness and my lack of confidence?66a1ee1e35013f203753819390939815

Did you see my fears? Those dark places in my life that I hide behind for fear of exposure. I’m afraid of failure, judgment, pain and the deep need to be accepted. Did you see that?

Did you see my past? I have wounds that have healed and what is left is a shimmery scar that I’m rather proud of. It’s tougher tissue, you know? I think I’ve healed quite nicely.

Did you see my pain? It’s right there … right under the surface of confidence and the self-expression of wisdom. I can disguise it pretty well and maybe you didn’t see it. I hope not and yet … I hope you did.

Did you see my life experiences that brought me to my knees … that molded and shaped my character? People have said things that caused me to coil and retreat. People have left me in this life leaving me feeling vulnerable and weak. I never wanted them to leave me, but they did. Did you see that? Did you see that I was raised by a single parent? Did you see that I had to grow up early because I felt I was supposed to? Did you see that I never really was a child; I was a little adult in a child’s body? I’ve been mature my whole life! Did you see that?

Did you see my sensitive heart that craves love … needs to be loved for who I am … not who I present myself to be? Did you see that?

Did you see my spirit that wants to break free from the chains and rules that I set for myself … to protect myself … to be accepted? Did you see that?

Did you see my soul … that eternal being that has lived lifetime after lifetime or perhaps only this lifetime? Deep within, there is an All Knowing presence that guides me and leads me on my path … showing me the way. Did you see that?

Could you see my wisdom, my talents, my gifts, my love, my sensitivity and my passion … my PASSION! Did you see that?

I will never know what you really saw because I could not see it in myself. I wanted you to see me but the truth is, I could not see myself. I still cannot fully see myself. I want to. I want to know myself. I want to see my inner beauty. I want to see my eternal soul that has lived from the beginning of time and will continue on into forever. I want to see that! I want to fall madly in love with me … all of me … all of the hidden places that have been protected. I want to fall madly and passionately in love with the pain, the fears, the parts that I think ugly. I want to fall in love with my soul, my spirit, my vitality, my creativity and my true, eternal essence. I also want to know me intimately, passionately, lovingly and so accepting of all that is about me. I want that … I really want that!

I wanted you to see me because … I could not see myself and so … if you could see something about me that I could not see, then I could be happy and at peace with who I am. Maybe I could even love that part of myself and for some strange reason, I gave you the power to give that to me … I gave you permission to hold my power.

How could you possibly give me all the things I desired for myself? You could not give me what I thought I needed to feel accepted and loved because the truth is, you are just a reflection of all that I am and the only thing you can return to me are the things that I recognize and accept about myself … nothing more, nothing less. It would not matter what you saw because unless I believe it about myself … unless I can see and acknowledge it within myself, it will never be so for me. I know this! I know this! … And yet, how can I know this but not be able to receive it?! Perhaps I’m ready now …

It is time for me. It is time for me to shed my outer shell, that outer layer of disguises and false characters that have traveled day after day with me … holding me together. They are old and feeble now and they cannot perform the task any longer. They are tired … so, so tired and they want … no they need to be put to rest.

It’s time for me to knock down walls that I put up to shield me … to protect me. They are getting cracked and crumbly and are falling down anyway. I might as well push them over and leave them at rest. I’m tired of building walls … so, so tired. Perhaps it’s time to face all of my challenges and pains and let them love me and remind me of who I really am. I’m ready for that.

It’s time to break all of my rules … the rules I made to protect me and support me in all of the illusions of life. Come to think of it, no one else had the kind of rules I lived by. I was very hard on myself. I was very disciplined and robotic at times. Damn!!! I kept a tight leash on me. I’m surprised I’m not strangled!

And now …

It is time to fall madly in love … passionately in love … eternally in love … with all that I am. It’s time to recognize all of the qualities of myself and get intimate with all of the nuances, subtle caresses and little quirks that have stayed in the shadows because my disguises and rules never allowed them to be present.

It’s time to spread my wings and fly … releasing any weight that may be holding me down. I’ve always wanted to fly! I’ve even dreamed about it where I could soar above the fields and flower beds captivated and marveling at the beauty of it all. I give myself permission to do that now in my life. I invite the freedom of flight and the expanse of the Universe to travel to. I can hardly wait to see what’s out there! I’m so excited!!!9daf412987d57214ec98361bd63160ea

And lastly but certainly not the very least, I would like to thank myself for creating moments in my life that have brought me to this space and time. I also want to forgive myself for any ill thoughts, physical and emotional abuse that I may have inflicted during my growing years and any pain I may have caused others. I know that any and all of those spaces, places and moments in my life were just in preparation for this very moment and I stand in gratitude for all of them. They were all gifts that I acknowledge, receive and I embrace them all, in love.

I love you Noël Cannon! I love everything about you! I love your soul … the essence of who you are. I love your physical body with all of its uniqueness and fierce individuality! I love your talents, gifts and passions. I love all of your creations and all that you will continue to create for life is a creation process. I love your relationships and the people in your life … all of them! I love the spaces that cause reflection and introspection and I love the spaces that invite movement and action.

Each day, I fall more and more in love with this life and the places that I get mad at or the places that I am angry, I love them too. They are only spaces that invite more love and so I will love them all.

Yes … it’s time to release and fall in love all over again. Today is a new day. I am eternally in love!





The Creator

When the Artist says, “I am the Creator! I created this work of art” and the work of art says, “I am a work of art, the Creator created me and I create my world”, who then, is the C r e a t o r?

What happens in your world when you hear or read something that causes you to look at your life differently? Are we ever really the same after being presented with new ideas that set into motion a different way of thinking and believing?  Read on …

We see millions of people around us. We see nature, we see the creatures of the earth and we see places, objects and things. We can taste the most decadent and delicious of foods as well as the most vile and nasty. We can touch things that soothe and comfort and we can touch things that cause us to coil and retract. We listen to music and symphonies that can stir the soul and we can hear sounds that cause our nerves to seize up in anguish. We see the past that continues to reveal itself through the findings of dinosaurs, long lost cities, skeleton remains, literature, and music, all surrounding us revealing convincing evidence of a past that we were not here for and what remains is convincing evidence of a time long gone. We hear predictions for our future from those who possess the gift of ‘Seeing’. Life appears and seems so real because the entire experience is felt.

Perhaps we meditate and pray and receive messages and information that we accept and then administer to our life that supports our walk. Maybe we had a Past Life Regression session and discovered another incarnation. Perhaps in this regression we discovered that we were living out another experience, here on Earth and we left a trail that led us to this current place and time. All of this could certainly support why we are here … we just evolved to this place and time … from one incarnation to another. As the messages become clear and validated, we begin to recognize that perhaps there are angels, spirit guides and ancestors on the other side of our physical being that guide us and show us the way. ‘Signs and wonders’ it’s sometimes called.

Edgar Casey shared in his experiences that we are all reincarnated and we are living out our Karma. Some of his studies revealed past life wrongs that are beckoning to be righted in this lifetime. The cause of one’s pain is due to something they experienced in a previous life and Karma is inviting them in this lifetime to correct it. Or maybe you’re gifted in some area of your life like art or communication that is a reflection of past lives that you have been conditioning and practicing to express fully in this incarnation.

And yet the question beckons, is ANY of it real? Is it true?

It’s a legitimate question. After all, the evidence is there. Science is still uncovering amazing discoveries that prove our presence in this lifetime. Spiritually we are becoming more and more aware of another realm … another space that occupies our current reality. Every time we go searching, we are making astounding discoveries that are deeply enriching our lives and convincing us that we are not alone. Perhaps in these discoveries we find that there are those who came before us who designed and created lives and left a mark on history centuries before our time that left clues to help us navigate this place and time.

Are you following through this compelling bit of information? Why would we question the evidence? Why would we question the clues that offer up convincing evidence to all of our searching?

And yet, if you are open to questioning all that you see, hear, feel, touch, taste and experience the next question could be … What if?

What if … ALL of it is an illusion that you created before you incarnated into this lifetime? Lifes illusion
Is that possible? Is it possible that you programed the entire experience to support your time here … in this incarnation? You may think all of it is real, spirits, people, places, history, the creatures, the air you breathe, the molecules and atoms that make up matter, the weather, the earth, the planets,  the catastrophes and the miracles but …

What if it’s all a convincing illusion that you created before entering into this incarnation?

Does this question blow your mind?! Perhaps you’re throwing it straight out the window because it’s just too preposterous! Or perhaps, it makes some kind of sense and if it does, it just may twist you up a bit to awaken you to the illusion of it all.

If you check in with your soul, the intimate part of you that’s infused into every fiber of your being, that part of you that you can feel deeply and know without a shadow of doubt that you have always existed, you’ll be guided … all the way back … to the beginning … the beginning of time. You have always been since the beginning of time. YOU! Does that make YOU the ONLY one? If “In the beginning God created” … could it be possible that it was YOU who created?! If you’ve always been and you will always be, then you must have started in … the ‘Beginning’.

“In the beginning God created” …

You may be saying to yourself, “But what about all the other people, animals, creatures, spirits, souls, ancestors and beings; what about them … if I’m the only One?” And in that instant, in that very same breath … you may be separating yourself from all that is. Can you see that? Can you feel that?

All that you see, hear, experience, feel, taste and touch is YOUR creation!

Sit with that for a minute. Feel that for a minute and let it speak to the Truth you seek.

What if … you actually are … God/Creator/Spirit? Feel this for a moment …

It has been taught in the Church that “God created man for fellowship”. The bible also states that “Man was created in the image of God”, (Genesis 1:27). If you are God, do you think that creating other beings … man, in your image, would be an opportunity to enrich the experience? And what if man, is a direct reflection of all that you are here to experience … to offer you ‘Fellowship’?

It has been taught also that there is no outside experience separate from what’s within. Whatever you see, feel and experience out there is a direct reflection of what’s inside.Lifes reflection

How will you view your world with this awareness if you choose to accept what wisdom it imparts to you? How will you celebrate your life? How will you handle your challenges? How will you live your life?

The guy that pisses you off when he cuts in front of you as you travel down the road is YOUR creation!

The multi-millionaire that makes all the money that you can only dream about is YOUR creation!

World hunger, disease, politics, science, music, nature, language and art … are all YOUR creation! Your perception of the past and the future is all YOUR creation … your illusion.

How will you look at your world if you chose to accept what you have created? Will you fall in love with it? Will you embrace your life and everything and everyone in it? Will you see just how incredible and perfect you really are and how much love you possess because you are the Creator? All there really is, is love. You are love!

Or will you be bitter that as the Creator, your life lacks abundance, happiness and joy? Will you emotionally beat yourself up because you are perfect and yet you do not see it or feel it? Will you act as a victim to all of the injustices in this life because you do not recognize the power you have as the Creator?

And yet … it’s all so incredibly PERFECT! Your creation is so amazingly perfect in every way! Your experience is perfect in every way! You are living the life that you designed, you are experiencing EVERYTHING you came here for and in the end … at the end of it all … this lifetime … this experience, this illusion … YOU WIN!!!

YOU WIN because you are the C r e a t o r!

Awakening to Wisdom

‘Perhaps it is not the Wisdom that others see and acknowledge but rather recognizing their own Truth wrapped in her words and actions. Perhaps others wish the same Wisdom for themselves and she will kindly tell them, “You’ve had it all along and you always will, for you cannot acknowledge Wisdom in me unless you possess it within yourself, simply because there is no ‘Out there’, there is only ‘Within’. ‘


 Much time has passed.

She looks in the mirror and she does not recognize the reflection looking back at her.

There is sadness in her eyes and heaviness to her face that leaves her expressionless …

and wondering …

What happened to the sparkle in those eyes? What happened to the smile? What happened to the lift and brightness to her skin? Where did she go? She does not see the person in the reflection that she recognized for so many years. Perhaps that person is no longer.

There’s a bit of remorse as she studies the image … not so much because she misses that familiar face or that image, for she knows that person must step aside for the transformation. She misses the certainty of who she thought she was or who she thought she saw. She cannot deny the person or image and what it represented in the past, but where she’s going now, that person, that image, that belief of what was, can no longer be. She graduated and now she must move on and stand in the shadows for the “Awakened One” to emerge. Certainty is gone and replaced with uncertainty. Now what?! What can she trust in? What’s in her future? Where is she going? Who is she becoming?

It’s a process … the Awakening. For just like a good night’s rest full of dreams, images and feelings of being in another land, only to awaken in the morning and feel somewhat between worlds where only a good cup of coffee or a brisk morning shower has the power to snap her back into consciousness, the Awakening brings her to a similar place.

It’s a place where she feels held in suspension from the world that seemed so familiar and a world that she feels called to but does not fully recognize. Somehow that stiff cup of coffee or that brisk morning shower seems void of the cure to snap her back to reality and offer that warm embrace that gave her solace and security.

As she navigates the illuminated times in daylight and activity she realizes that she is not the same person. She’s been growing through some pain from her past … from her childhood … even perhaps from a previous life and now she emerges on the other side to a place of unfamiliarity and healing.

She looks in the mirror yet again and realizes that she has been living in an illusion. All of the primping and grooming that she used to engage intransformation daily was all in vain. In her attempt to create an image that she can live with, an image that invited her to feel satisfaction, to feel pretty, to feel needed … to feel loved, she was willing to apply the disguise. She needed to be loved and accepted and to show up for that, she felt she needed to create an illusion of her greater self in order to feel whole and complete. She felt beautiful when she saw her image yet she was never really sure if the love and attention that she received was because of all her laborious acts to gain acceptance of her illusion of beauty or if it was because she could really be seen for who she truly was? She was never really sure. Perhaps it was time for her to test her uncertainty and find her truth that rested below the surface of the illusion.

Can the sparkle in her eyes still be present even if the illusion of make-up was not there?

What color is her hair … really, without the disguise of a bottled concoction? If she grew out the dyed strands and allowed her natural strands of silver to emerge, could she still feel the love for herself? Could she still feel beautiful?

What would happen if she allowed her body to take shape, giving herself permission to eat what she liked and do the activities that she really wanted to do rather than the ones she felt she needed to do in order to keep herself in the bondage of discipline?

Discipline is so combative, so abusive, so degrading … so damaging.  Discipline says, “You’re not good enough! You MUST change!”

To clothe herself was truly an art! Just how creative could she be in her wardrobe in order to draw attention? Her beautifully sculpted body was perfectly enhanced by the costume of clothing and yet underneath, she felt like she was a liar; a cheat. If anyone ever really saw her flesh, would they gasp in surprise at all of its imperfections?!

Who was she when she set herself free from ALL the rules … rules that she made for herself in order to be accepted … in order to be loved … in order to embrace who she really was?

Some would say, “Oh my god, she’s let herself go!”

If you ask her what is happening that she allowed herself to get to this place of release she will tell you, “I’ve set myself free!”

Oh and how free it is!!! How very free!!!

The Awakening is a transforming process. It does not happen overnight and she was continuously challenged to compare old beliefs with the new ones and finding rest in what felt right for her. Living in a society where individuality is frowned upon because one appears so different than the others, requires a conviction to trust the internal compass that guides her. At this point in her life, there absolutely was no room for denying that very thing that grabbed her and had her in the clutches of change. It was inescapable. Going back was NEVER an option for the pull of the unknown had a hypnotic effect that kept her searching and searching.Freedom

Something miraculous is happening to her as she accepts the Awakening … the Transformation. If the truth be known, it’s the very thing she sought ever since she read the book of Solomon in the Bible years and years ago. When King David died and Solomon was to take over as king, Solomon asked God for wisdom and discernment above all other things. For he knew if he was wise and discerning, he would always walk in truth. She knew that was the answer to all of the questions she sought in her life … ‘Wisdom’. At that moment, she craved Wisdom above all other gifts.

Wisdom is a rich path. It’s a path laced with an undeniable truth and yet Wisdom will always invite perspective which by the way, is subject to interpretation. What is Truth for one, may not be Truth for another and yet when one follows their own Wisdom, their Truth will always guide them.

She may be wiser then she has ever been and her Wisdom may be her personal guide, the result is walking in her sacred Truth. Others may see her Wisdom as a virtue however she sees it as her direct connection to God. When she listens, trusts and intuits her Wisdom, she walks with uncompromising peace and conviction.

Perhaps it is not the Wisdom that others see and acknowledge but rather recognizing their own Truth wrapped in her words and actions. Perhaps others wish the same Wisdom for themselves and she will kindly tell them, “You’ve had it all along and you always will, for you cannot acknowledge Wisdom in me unless you possess it within yourself, simply because there is no ‘Out there’, there is only ‘Within’.

We all are wise beyond our own comprehension. We all have an internal compass that points the needle in the direction we’re destined to go. When we drop the disguises, when we listen, when we’re ready to awaken and when we’re ready to drop the illusion, Wisdom will emerge and show us the way to our Truth.

May you seek your Truth, walk in your own Wisdom and find your inner peace. You may not recognize yourself for a while but that’s okay. There are some things we just need to let go of in order for the new to emerge … the Awakening … the Transformation. Things, ideas and images must die off or be set aside. Old beliefs and patterns that we found comforting and reliable, must GO! They are no longer needed or necessary. As you awaken and as you seek your Truth, guaranteed, you’ll enter a new land that will be unrecognizable.

awakening 3Embrace you’re Wisdom and it will always guide you to your Truth … for you are wiser then you have ever known. Maybe it’s time to discover just how wise you truly are and allow an uncompromising peace to rein in your life.

QuEstIOn EveRyThiNG!

How do you describe the ocean to someone who’s never seen it?

How do you describe the color blue to a blind person?

Sit with that for a minute … It’s hard, isn’t it?

Describe an ocean wave. Describe the shade of the color blue. How would you do it?

So now, maybe you formed your words and sentences, put it all together to the best of your ability, and described the details and now …

It’s up to the individual to get it. What if they don’t? Then what?

What if they get it, but the picture they form in their minds looks differently than the way you described it. Are they wrong? Are you right? How do you know? How do you know for sure? Are you sure?

The beautiful thing about our lives, the magic of our existence is we’re all here to have a personal experience. We gather information, file it in our infinite being, retrieve it when we need it and then we use that information as a filter to process life.

Do our perceptions and the way we process information make it truth or right … for everyone?

See, the thing about experiences and the way we process them is, no one else is going to take in the information and process it exactly the way we do. They are having their own, personal experience.

Does that make them wrong? Does that make them right? How do you know? How do you know for sure? Are you sure?

Here’s another one …

Describe the light.                                                                                                                                             light bulb

Describe the darkness.

Are you sure? Are you sure that is exactly how it is? How do you know for sure? Are you sure?

Is one good and one bad? How do you know? How do you know for sure?

Chances are, you are basing them on your own personal experience or using your filters to interpret information based on what someone else may have told you.

Are you getting this?!

Our Truth is our truth and no one else’s but … does that make it THE Truth?

We gather information from personal experiences, books we read, things we hear and perhaps stories on TV. The Bible says one thing, Buddha says another and your pastor says another. There are many different branches of the Christian faith each proclaiming their truth. Who’s right? Are any of them really right? How do you know? Are you sure?

These are shifting times. People are awakening so something so much bigger than we have accepted for ourselves and all of us are searching for some kind of meaning in it all but perhaps … there is no meaning in it at all. For the simple reason that we are all here for a rich experience, every experience is rich and different and there is no room for judgment.

Now what?! If we’re not judging, if we’re not able to point fingers and talk behind someone’s back, if we’re not able to tell someone all the answers and we’re not able to interject our thoughts and ideas because they really mean nothing except to ourselves, then what is the point in living?

Perhaps this is the beginning of awakening and understanding one’s self. Many teachers will use the coined phrase “Know thy Self”, in their teachings because if we do not know ourselves, then how can we possibly know what’s best for someone else? And guess what? When you know yourself, when you get intimate with your own beingness, when you fall in love what is truly you, you won’t care what others are doing. It won’t matter if they’re in alignment with your beliefs because you will finally be at peace with yourself and nothing else will matter. You can go about your business feeling free and alive and give everyone else permission to do just the same.

NOW YOU’RE LIVING!!! … Really living YOUR life! You are FREE!!!!!

Whew!!! Take a breath …

If you’ve read this far, if you’ve gotten to this point and not abandoned the message, you must be ready to receive peace in your life. You must be ready to shift your thoughts and ideas about what is really going on in this life; your life, and you’re ready to abandon the stuff that does not support your own, personal experience any longer.

Are you ready? Are you sure you’re ready?

You are cordially invited to … QuEstIOn EveRyThiNG!!!! Do not let some observation pass you by without asking yourself these questions;Question Everything!

What am I seeing?

How am I seeing it?

Is what I’m seeing REALLY what I think I’m seeing?

Is it true?

Am I sure it’s true?

How do I know for sure? Am I sure? How do I know I’m sure?

At some point in this questioning process you’ll soon discover that life is liquid. Everything shifts and changes and nothing stays the same. You’ll perceive one way one day and then it can shift. That is why you can read a passage in a book one day and get an internal message and then reread that passage again on another day and get another interpretation out of it. Life is liquid, ever shifting and ever changing.

Go with it!!! Stay fluid and allow yourself to move with the current. As sure as the stream changes directions and the flow shifts around the rocks and currents, so does life. When you arrive to this place free from judgment about what is, you question everything that you see, you’ll realize that it is all an illusion and nothing is real.

Let yourself be at peace with all that is and when you get there, when you stop fighting what you are perceiving based on your filtering system, then you are truly living YOUR life.

Then … it won’t matter whether the person who has never seen the ocean has an understanding of what they have not seen, or a different perception than what you perceive. You can give the blind person permission to see the color blue to the best of their ability and enjoy it … or not. If they cannot see it, if they cannot grasp what is being described to them, then that is okay too. You do not have to prove yourself to anyone because you know yourself and that is all that matters.

Give people permission to walk their path, talk their talk and do their own thing and perceive this life how they want. You do not have to take any kind of ownership in that because you are doing your own thing free from judgment because …

You are questioning EveRyThiNG!!! Your life is becoming more and more magical by the moment.

Touch the Garment of the Divine

“This is the calling of the soul. It is what you were created for. It is the current that runs through your veins that gives you life, purpose, passion and the drive to seek space and time to get there again and again. It beckons you with every breath you take, wafting its hypnotic essence to draw you close. It’s where you are healed; body, mind and spirit for you are free. It is the Garment of the Divine.”


“She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped.” —Luke 8:44

She just knew if she could touch him, some place, somewhere … even if it was the hem of his garment, she would be healed.

What a moving and pivotal experience! To just know that somehow, some way, all it took was a touch and healing would take place, smacks passion right in the face.

In a crowd of people, how did she know she reached the garment? How did she know she touched the Garment of the Divine? After all, there were people all around, surrounding Jesus on all sides and yet, she reached and reached until she felt what she was searching for. In an instant, healing took place.

Oh the glory of the experience! How freeing, liberating and cleansing of that poignant moment of healing. The flow of the river of soothing peace and the cleansing of the soul that the infliction was set free! Bliss, refreshment and the quench of the thirst of parchment was soothed and finally, finally healing was hers.

How do we touch the Garment of the Divine? What healing do we seek and how will we know we’ve reached that place where healing grabs hold and we feel whole once again? We all seek this kind of healing. We all seek the Garment of the Divine; it is the place where healing takes place. We all have some aspect of our life whether it’s emotional, physical or spiritual, we crave that healing; we seek it night and day with the intention that we will not stop until we find it.

How powerful a journey this is!

For every one of us, at some point in our lives, we’ve experienced this touch. Perhaps that is why we continue to seek it. We seek it because we know it‘s real and we want more.

As a writer, an artist and a spiritual coach, my home, my healing, and my peace, is when I am in a space where I can express myself completely in my craft. It’s delicious and completely soul satisfying. I’ve touched it and tasted its sweet nectar. It is my passion and it is my place of unbridled freedom that invites me to soar far above all of the limitations and obstacles that can stand in the way. Time stands still when I’m here. I’m free and I’m completely healed.

What gifts do you have? What is the one thing that if time or money was not a factor, you would spend all your energy engaged in this space in your life? Can you recall a time when you were so engaged in this space, that time passed you by and you were not aware of it? Perhaps a glance at the clock shook you out of your hypnotic trance of bliss to remind you that time had passed.

This is the calling of the soul. It is what you were created for. It is the current that runs through your veins that gives you life, purpose, passion and the drive to seek space and time to get there again and again. It beckons you with every breath you take, wafting its hypnotic essence to draw you close. It’s where you are healed; body, mind and spirit for you are free. It is the Garment of the Divine.

Where and what is the Garment of the Divine for you? What do you seek? What gets the juices flowing through your veins that charge your system? What calls to you in your sleep? How does it call to you? How would you know if you grasped it, tasted it, felt it, absorbed it and accepted it as yours?

The young woman knew when she touched it; when her hand landed where her intention drew her. She knew the moment her hands grasped the delicate fabric that she had reached the very thing she sought. I must ask you, would you know if you touched it? What would it feel like? What feeling would you receive from it when you touched it? What do you envision that feeling of healing to be?

Perhaps you might interpret these questions as dreaming or even fantasy however if you truly seek healing, then perhaps they are questions worth answering. When we feel broken or out of sorts, we have a tendency to walk in a daze where we just react to the environment. These questions invite you to get clear about what you seek for your healing. They invite the soul to feel that healing before it has been accepted. What harm could it possibly cause to invite such thoughts and feelings … dreaming or fantasy?

Find your way through the crowd to the Divine. Find your way to your passion and purpose. Find that thing that steels your time and energy only to reward you with life, passion, purpose and healing. It’s the hypnotic essence of life that draws us in to heal. Free yourself and go there now!

When you get there, give yourself permission to embrace and absorb. Give yourself the gift of time; time to bask in the soothing, warm glow of healing. Create many moments to go there again and again and free yourself from the punishment of guilt that can rear its ugly head. Guilt will tell you that you are wasting too much time. Guilt will tell you that there are more productive things to do. Guilt will tell you that you are not worthy of engaging in such pleasurable places for the simple reason that it is just too pleasurable and that there are more important things to do.prayer and gratitude

Did the women in the crowd who touched the Garment of the Divine scold herself for scratching and crawling her way there only to reach her destination? Did she curse herself afterwards because there were more productive things to do and she wasted too much time scratching and crawling? After receiving her healing, did she feel guilty or apologize for lingering too long in the sweet embrace of healing?

It may sound silly, but there’s truth in these words. We live in a society that honors and worships productivity and success. We are valued by the things that we do that put success on a pedestal. We’ve designed our lives and conformed to the tasks that foster achievement and let creativity and passion get thrown aside because they are deemed “Unproductive”. Please hear these words!

Take a clue from the women in the story of Luke … scratch and crawl your way to the Garment of the Divine. Let passion be your driver and let the touch of the garment be your healer. Bask in the sweet ambrosia of healing. Refrain from cursing yourself for the moments and time spent in this space because it is a space of healing.

Do not halt its hypnotic pull. Take heed, set your pace and go! Scratch and crawl if you must and just know you’re on the path to healing and when you get there … when you touch the garment; savor, cherish and give thanks for you have arrived!